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Archive for the ‘God’ Category

Pensive.

I was watching youtube videos of Jayesslee performing in Singapore, and one of it was featured them performing in one of the well-known Christian churches in Singapore. In it, they spoke of their experiences with God when they were at a campsite at the age of 15. God told the twins that he loved them and their family. To many, it may sound incredulous, because God is not physically tangible, but I believed in what they experienced.

When I was in Austin, I attended a weekend camp for Catholic students. It was a fun-loving group of people, but also with a balanced amount of sharing and quiet time. I knew deep down, I was eager for God to speak to me. I wanted to bridge the gap between us. I prayed and I actively sought but I couldn’t feel his presence. Soon, it was the last day of camp. The student leaders had prepared a skit, and we were to enter from one room to another with our eyes closed and standing in a straight line. The room was dark and you could hear people singing. Standing on the outside of the room, I felt insecure. I didn’t know what was to happen but at that point, I knew that I should close my eyes, let go and let God take charge. And I did. As we entered, we stood there and all the participants formed a circle to the ends of the room still with our eyes closed.. We continued to repeat the chant/song that the student leaders were singing, and as we did so, I truly felt that was how Heaven would be like. That was how the angels would sing. It would be as beautiful as that. I let my mind and worries free and I was surprised at what I had received. I once told my sister about this, and likewise, she believed me when I told her what I had felt.

I also distinctly remember that at one of the sharings that day, one of the student leaders spoke and with his message, he said to be patient with God and to walk along with him every step of the way. It resonated with what I was caught up with the entire week. At the end of the entire retreat, everyone sat in a room and people were encouraged to share their experiences up on stage. After a few people went up, I felt this strong urge to go up to speak. I remember Dulce encouraging me, and when I eventually did, I teared up as I spoke. I thanked Eugene who had done the sharing because I knew that God had finally spoken to me.

I just had to be patient with Him.

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credit: forgodandtruth.com

It’s 2am now. I spent the past 3 hours planning for my lessons till their exams in September, formulated questions in full document format, and simply hoped. After my setback two weeks ago, it’s time for battle tomorrow. I’ve dreamt about it, which goes to show how stressed I am about everything. I’ve prayed to God countless times, and I can only hope ¬†for the best. I’ll take whatever the kids choose to do in the end. If anything at all, I told myself that I need to work harder.

Also, my initial post was actually about the importance of prayer in a relationship. For all kinds of reasons one may come up with, I personally find that prayer is important especially when you hope that God takes your relationship in the right path and in the best way possible. Every Sunday in church, I pray to God for guidance with regards to Andrew and I. Because of the utmost uncertainty there is in ours, I can only put in my best and pray. Also, I find myself telling Andrew more frequently to “pray for me”!! These was especially so during my setback at drama, FYP deadline and my final exams. It comforts me when I know that someone is praying for me, but whether he/she does in the end, that’s another story, lol! I’ll give the benefit of the doubt. Tonight, before I ended our call, I told Andrew once again to pray for me – because of tomorrow. It occurred to me and gladdens my heart that I have been inching bits and pieces of religion into him – going to church more frequently when he accompanies my family, praying for me, and just basically learning to trust in God and have faith. My family and I don’t pray together, by that, I mean out loud and for a specific cause or purpose. We never had that habit. But, I hope one day, Andrew and I can comfortably pray together, be it for a friend, or to just give thanks : )

Meanwhile, I’m happy with whatever I can get : )

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It has been difficult to concentrate on getting my work done today.

I spent one hour tossing and turning in bed last night trying to get to sleep. Panic seeped in because of my uncompleted essay that is due in a few days and of the kids’ performance in two weeks.

Today, I received news that a friend from junior college had passed on this morning.

It is tough news to bear, and although we haven’t kept in contact since JC except by being ‘friends’ on Facebook, it still saddened me. All of us are about to graduate, ready to start living life, and instead she was called home to the Lord. In times of difficulty, we know that God has a plan for all of us.

About a week back, a friend’s friend had also passed on. Coincidentally, she was one of my ‘friends’ on Livejournal.

Please pray for those who have passed on before us, and remember that life is short. So let’s start living and showing your love and care for those around you.

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Time to time, I post on my blog and Twitter creative ideas which I bring to classes weekly. Because of the stress and difficulties which I have experienced in class recently, which often times leads me to feel as if I’m going to get an asthma attack, that has been a cause of concern for me. A few posts back, I blogged about how tough it was to be a teacher.

Yesterday was my breaking point.

Whilst I am not going to elaborate on what happened because it has passed, and I hope to pick myself up, push myself forward and focus on improving myself and on greater things, but I was and am still undeniably, hurt.

I returned home crying and to many questions where I asked myself, “Is my best not good enough?”

I often tell myself, “do your best and God will do the rest”, but that did not seem to be happening. At least, for yesterday. I am glad that despite the setback which I faced, I never once did shift the blame away, or question God.

Instead, I saw the beauty of the people around me. I am thankful for my colleagues who make up the supportive work environment I am in and I think this is very hard to come by, and also, Andrew who is ever so patient, Sheralyn, PS and Faith.

My brother and sister have also been strong pillars of my support. Although my brother just listened to me as I cried uncontrollably, he showed his love in other ways – calling back to ask if I wanted bubble tea. Also, my sister who listened and said, “that’s working life”. She is one person who also gives me the hardest truth, even if I like hearing it or not.

So, in hindsight, this setback is going to be a small one in years to come, and I choose to continuously give thanks to God for all that he has done for me and pray that things will be better.

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